**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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