just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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