I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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