Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
