you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
did you just send me my own nude
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
