my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
