too bad you live with your parents still
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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