take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
