That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
