well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
