Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
