If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
