hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
