I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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