I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
