We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
