I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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