You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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