You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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