I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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