Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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