if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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