i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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