Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
