I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It's just like the Real World with babies
He felt like a one man threesome
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he fucked my hip out of place.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
