and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
