I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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