she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
