Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
