You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
