guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
