I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
