someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
