I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
