Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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