Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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