I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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