Say something about gay babies.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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