Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
