I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
