Define "chronic" masturbator.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
