dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
vagina is talking i cant
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
