There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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