So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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