He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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