maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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