I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
