I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
