oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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