Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You are the jesus of drinking
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
