I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
