New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
