who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
