this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
