You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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