i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You took a bar mat shot.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Randomize
