I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
