omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
