I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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