I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
