I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
