If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
