Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
