Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
