im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
