I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
