I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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