My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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