you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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